Spankings, consent, and communication

The setting is a large bed in a dimly lit hotel room, a daydream unfurling. 

It’s been a long time since our last spanking session.  I know he enjoys feeling nails across his skin because he’s mentioned it before. Sitting close together I tease him by tracing my nails lightly down his back. “You can scratch harder,” he whispers, and I rake them down under his shirt.  He respond with kisses from my neck down to my shoulders and I feel his teeth sink into my skin. It jolts me in a good way but I can’t help it, I yelp. And immediately he asks, “Is this ok?” I nod but he asks, “Should I keep going?” It’s not until he hears yes that he gets up, ready to start the spanking part of our play. It starts lightly, hands only. After I’m fully warmed up I’m ready to try the paddle. He’s fully dressed, I’m half dressed. I eye the swelling bulge in his pants as he gets close. I make it to barely 7 spanks with our new paddle before we have to stop. I feel slightly lightheaded from endorphins. 

Tops can need or want aftercare too! It’s ok to take a minute.

He rubs my back, my ass cheeks. “Your skin is burning up here.” He touches the red marks admiringly. We kiss under the sheets until we are both burning up. I know I’ll be sore tomorrow and I like it. . But I’m also glad I didn’t push myself for more. “I’ll think of you every time I sit,” I say, and we both laugh.

The moments we check in with each other always remains memorable. Yes, just as much as the moaning and spanking sounds. “Does this feel good?” “Are you all right?” echo back to me. Instead of taking me away from the moment these words and actions enhance it. Rough play or rough sex isn’t a barrage of force against your partner - making sure they’re comfortable increases intimacy. Intense play also requires trust and time. I am far less likely to engage in impact play (meaning beyond light spanks) with a stranger. 

What do you like to use? Paddles, floggers, crops…your bare hands?

Being able to acknowledge and express your desires is very important, but it isn’t everything. Healthy communication with your lover/lovers and understanding consent is extremely important. Desires change, bodies change - something that feels soooo good on one day might feel emotionally or physically unpleasant another day. Maybe there activities you enjoy only with a specific partner. A “yes” doesn’t mean “yes forever”. 

Leave expectations at the door and embrace the organic experience you deserve. Happy playing!